Couple holding hands

One of the most important moments in one’s life is the wedding and in Romania, just like in most countries out there, this is a huge event that requires a lot of planning and usually brings a lot of confusion for guests, especially those who are not regulars at these events.

What are the Romanian wedding traditions? What to wear at a Romanian wedding? What gift to bring? These are just some of the questions that people ask (Romanians included, not only foreigners) and I will try to answer them all in today’s article about weddings in Romania.

If you’re a foreigner about to take part at a Romanian wedding, things could be even more confusing and you might wonder what to expect and especially what kind of gift to bring. As you will see, things are not that complicated and the Romanian wedding traditions have been updated to modern times, so you will definitely feel comfortable and entertained.

Just a short note: the second most important party in one’s life is the christening of a baby (or babies if more will follow), and I’ve already written about it here. And now let’s find out everything about Romanian weddings: what to expect, what to wear and what gift to bring.

Note: The photos shared in this article are from my own wedding which took place back in 2011. I am saying this as you might consider some of the clothing and everything else a bit outdated. But that matters the least – it’s the traditions and how things go that matter the most.

Things to know about weddings in Romania

If you’ve never been to a wedding in Romania, expect to be amazed and surprised – and definitely prepare for a long day and night, usually sprinkled with tons of alcohol and just as much delicious food. Even though things will be different from family to family, I think it’s safe to say that you can sort the weddings into two types:

– traditional weddings (which are most likely to happen in villages and maybe sometimes in smaller cities and towns, but you could get a freak traditional wedding in the largest cities as well every now and then)

– modern weddings which will still have traditional elements – more or less, depending on the newly weds and their families.

In concept, both traditional and modern weddings follow the same route, but the approach is different and expectations from guests are different too.

For example, if you somehow get to a Romanian wedding in a village, expect all the food (sometimes for hundreds of guests) to be prepared at home by the bride and groom’s extended family, expect the alcohol to be home made, expect no real dress code, most likely a live local band that will only play traditional music and extremely friendly people (many of whom will be really drunk by the end of the party).

The weddings in villages and smaller cities stick to traditions more often than not, so you will experience some strange things which vary from area to area. We’ll talk more about these traditions in today’s article, but the general rule of thumb is that the younger the couple and the larger the city, the more modern the wedding will be and fewer strange things will happen.

But no matter if we’re talking about completely traditional or entirely modern weddings, they will always follow the same route. And everything will usually start with…

The wedding ceremony

Usually, people go first to officially get married at Starea Civila sometime in the morning or early afternoon. This is the ceremony that the bride and groom must attend in order to be legally married and there are no real bells and whistles here: it’s all very sober and boring and over pretty fast.

Normally, the bride won’t wear her dress for this occasion, but this could also vary. You are also expected to bring flowers for the bride at this point and nothing more.

This step can also take place in a different day, usually prior to the church ceremony and the party (in order to keep the day less crowded). If this is the case, it’s usually just the bride and groom and very close friends and family taking place. So this part is not too important in the entire process, normally…

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At Starea Civila it’s where you officially get married
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It doesn’t take long and you’re married. And we now have the papers to prove it.
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The exit is market with confetti and smiles. People usually throw rice as well and the newlyweds walk under a bridge of flowers made by the other guests.
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Photo sessions start shortly after – we’re trying some “special effects” with our godparents here.

After the Starea Civila, photos are taken and, depending on the time of the day the ceremony took place, everybody goes straight to the church or they meet at the church a few hours later (it’s usually the latter, allowing the bride to change clothes and get into her beautiful wedding dress).

If the first part already took place in a different day, things will start here, usually on a Saturday or Sunday. The ceremony at the church is usually long and extremely boring – it could take up to two hours and you usually have to stand for the entire duration of it.

In larger cities, the priests have understood the fact that nobody wants to spend that much time listening to them: for example, I personally tried to listen from start to finish at my own wedding and couldn’t make it because it was way too boring. I can only imagine that all the guests were in their own world as well. Because of this, many priests now hurry things as much as they can, but expect the church ceremony to last no less than 30-40 minutes.

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Our Church wedding and party afterwards were two weeks after we officially got married (and in a different city).
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The things they use in the church to get you married
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There’s usually just one or two priests for the ceremony, we got five. All I can remember though is that is sounded nice when they sang.
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There’s a lot of stuff you have to do at the church as well, while everybody else is eagerly awaiting for everything to be over.

The wedding party

In the evening, the party begins. This is usually considered the main event and it starts at around 8 PM, but for some reason most guests decide to arrive about an hour late. To prevent this from happening, some try to have the Church ceremony as late as possible so that they go straight to the restaurant afterwards, but it’s usually at least a few hours in between for a short rest.

As you can see, there’s already a lot happening in the same day, so many people are now splitting this in two episodes as I said above: one when they go to the Starea Civila and officially get married, then the Church and Party for the second (which can be weeks or months apart).

Usually, when people invite you to their wedding, they won’t get offended if you are not present at the Starea Civila and/or the Church. These are usually attended by very close friends and family only, but it’s also considered a nice gesture if the guest attends these two ceremonies as well.

However, it’s the party that matters the most, so expect to see a much larger crowd here and a different set of faces altogether.

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The restaurant, waiting for the guests. The table of the bride, groom and godparents is always in a central location.

When going to a Romanian wedding, prepare to eat A LOT and drink even more. There are usually 4 courses plus desert (the wedding cake which, for most, signals that the party is over and you are free to consider it a night and leave). There’s usually 1.5 to 2 hours in between courses but either way, you’ll always be full.

There are also snacks, fruits, extra cakes and even “eating breaks” (we had sorbet in between, for example). Anyway, it’s usually a ton of food and you’ll probably be surprised to see that most people eat everything on their plates.

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And the feast begins. This officially marks the start of the party.

Here are some of wedding traditions in Romania and what to expect:

– a slow start of the party itself. It really depends on the crowd, but usually the first couple of hours will be very boring as everybody gets into the “party mode”.

This is one of the reasons why many people choose to come later at the party – to avoid this boring part, but eventually things pick up and there will be a lot of fun and dancing and surprise events and an impressive night overall.

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The traditional first dance.
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Soon afterwards, the party and fun begins.

– you could expect to have a live band or multiple live bands, including a lot of traditional music or a more modern approach – a DJ. Personally, I believe that the latter is better when it comes to the fun potential – but expect to hear traditional music even if there’s a DJ present, because for some reason people at weddings really like the “hora” (our traditional dance where everybody endlessly dances in a circle).

– Kidnapping of the Bride. This is one of the biggest events of a Romanian wedding: it’s usually close friends who “kidnap” the bride and take her to a club or restaurant to party a little bit. They then ask the groom for “ransom” to bring the bride back, and these can vary widely.

Traditionally, people were asking for money, and they might still do this in villages. However, it’s now usually a fun thing that the groom (sometimes helped by the godfather) has to do. It all depends from case to case, but usually it’s a hilarious part of the wedding.

I’ve seen grooms that had to strip, sing karaoke or do all sorts of funny things to get their brides back and it’s all great fun. At my wedding, I had to sing, while the godfather had to give the kidnappers a bottle of whiskey – he took an empty one though and filled it with apple juice instead to prank the kidnappers. So pranks like this can be expected and the entire event is usually a lot of fun.

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Me recovering my wife from the kidnappers.

– The ritual of becoming a married woman. It’s a traditional, special event centered around the bride trading her veil for a scarf. There’s an entire process here that I am not very familiar with, but I know that the bride has to try and refuse the scarf, throw it away and eventually accept it (this was probably for real back in the days when weddings were not the result of love, but today that’s just for the show).

It’s also a traditional thing, since married women were expected to always wear that scarf (called “Batic” in Romanian) over their head. This is no longer done, but the wedding tradition remained.

– In some cases, the groom goes through something similar, where he has to be shaved by the godfather and best man. These are both old traditions and many weddings tend to skip them – we did skip the second part, for example.

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Part of the ritual of becoming a married woman.

– Finally, there’s the bride throwing her bouquet, with the lady catching it being considered the one who will marry next. The groom also does something similar with the bride’s garter which he throws back and the single guy who catches it will be considered the next one to marry. Usually, the single lady who got the bouquet and the singly guy who caught the garter will share a dance.

The event of removing the garter is fun to watch, as it’s usually made by the groom entirely using his mouth. Yup… strange things happen at Romanian weddings, haha!

– Also, there might be special events during the party, usually different forms of professional dancers arriving to spice things up and get everybody off their seats. This again varies a lot from wedding to wedding and there could be a lot of variety (or none).

What to wear at a Romanian wedding

Let’s get one obvious things out of the way first: if it’s a themed party, you will be informed about the dress code well in advance, so you have time to prepare accordingly. Themed parties are not a popular thing in Romania though, so chances are slim you’ll be invited to one.

Also, if you’re having a role at the wedding (godmother or godfather, maid of honor or best man) you will discuss this with the couple getting married – for bridesmaids, for example, they will choose a color that you’ll have to wear.

Although this was not the tradition, now most weddings follow an American style wedding with multiple bridesmaids and best men (until now, it was just a pair). In this case, the bridesmaids will usually be expected to order a dress for the occasion and they will all have to wear the same model.

Now, if you’re just a guest, things are a bit easier because you’ll have more freedom on what to wear. For men, things are very simple as they are expected to wear a suit with or without a tie. So things are easy here.

When it comes to ladies, there are a lot more options. Ladies are expected to wear an elegant night dress, something that they usually wear at special occasions. There’s a saying here in Romania that it’s the bride that has to shine during her special day, so don’t go over the top when choosing your dress, you don’t want to draw all the attention! Also, try not to wear something white, as that’s the color reserved for the bride.

What gift to bring at a Romanian Wedding

As sad as that might sound, it’s usually an envelope with money that you are expected to bring as a gift for the party. On very rare occasions, actual gifts are considered appropriate such as household items. If you feel comfortable bringing an actual gift, though, don’t hesitate to do so: most likely, your friendship won’t be ruined by this, but know that you are generally expected to give money to the newlyweds, when the party is over.

You don’t even have to bring the envelope with you: on most occasions, they are provided at the ceremony – in the past somebody simply came and gave envelopes to all guests, but nowadays things are not as in your face as they were and the envelopes are placed somewhere near the special box for the envelopes (yes, there’s one!)

The process goes like this: you put the money into the envelope, write your name (or your family’s name) on it and maybe a message for the newlyweds. Then you are expected to either give the envelope to one either the bride or groom before leaving the party or put it in the special box for envelopes, which is usually located near the couple’s table. This entire thing usually happens after the cake is served (which is, as I said before, a sign that the party can be officially considered over – although it can still go on for a few hours afterwards).

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It’s usually considered that you can’t leave the party before the cake is served.

If the wedding is split in two events: Starea Civila first then on a different day the Church and Party itself, you can only bring flowers and a small gift (or no gift) at the Starea Civila and deliver the envelope for the party. But remember the flowers!

How much should you offer as a gift?

This is the main question and unfortunately the answer is not very clear. Basically, the money “gift” you’re offering is you paying your share for the wedding expenses and sometimes a little extra for the new family. So try to find the appropriate amount for covering the cost of food and drinks (this is the main expense at a wedding), as well as your share for the band payment and everything else.

The costs also vary from city to city (villages and smaller towns being less expensive), restaurant to restaurant and even the type of party: a wedding menu can be as low as about 35 Euros per person and can skyrocket at over 100 easily. Usually, for a regular wedding, the food and drinks will be anything between 60 – 70 Euros per person.

As a golden rule of thumb, you can’t go wrong if you’re offering 100 Euros per person. Remember that there’s no real limit here so you can go as high up as you want or afford but I would say that 100 Euros per person would be perfect in most occasions – unless it’s a very fancy wedding.

If you know other people at the wedding, don’t hesitate to ask them how much they’re offering. This question that might sound like a thing you should never ask is actually very common at weddings, so just do it to see what others are doing. Just make sure not to ask close relatives or the godparents, as they are supposed to offer more than regular guests.

Finally, if you are taking part at a village wedding, there might be an entire event dedicated to collecting the money: the entire party stops and a person with a microphone simply goes from person to person collecting the money and announcing the amount for everybody to hear. Fortunately, this happens less and less often and I’ve never heard of a wedding in a city or even smaller town where such a horrible thing happens anymore.

OK… so this would be all I can think of in terms of weddings in Romania. If you have any other questions about them, don’t hesitate to ask!

25 COMMENTS

  1. Oh how lovely to see your wedding pictures πŸ™‚ . The Mrs. looked beautiful. The whole affair is similar to ours, only the day before is the engagement and the next day the church wedding and party. Money is usually the gift too since we don’t really have department stores. In lieu of cash, it is very common for household items to gifted (for example you might give a set of 100 plastic cups that have the image of the bride and groom and wedding date along with the name of the giver). These are then handed out as gifts to the attendees as a keepsake. It’s funny that the church service used to run long just like ours did years ago. I remember my oldest sister’s service was 3.5 hours! Now, most churches will give you a max of 1 hour thank goodness and even that is too long in my book. Thanks for sharing this C. Love it! πŸ™‚

    • For me, it was lesson learned at the wedding: I was so busy with everything, trying to make sure that everybody is pleased and everything works smoothly that I didn’t really manage to fully enjoyed it. That’s why I had a different approach at the Christening of our baby and I felt way better. Either way, it was fun in the end and just the good memories remain.

  2. Awww Calin: This is quite an article! Happy times for you, indeed. You and “Wife Romanian” were/are quite an attractive couple! Very colorful photos–thanks for sharing those! (Was the marriage held in Bucharest? Looking at the pictures, that’s what I’m guessing.)
    Do most couples live together (try it out;-) before actually making it official?
    Also, can you just do the Starea Civila , and not the “church” part?
    Here in the USA, some couples just elope and get married by a justice of the peace, (or an Elvis impersonator;-) foregoing all the “pomp and circumstance” and $’s of a church or formal wedding.
    What about same-sex marriages (not for me–just curious;-)?
    Are there “pre-nups” in cases where either the man or woman makes so much money, as to not want to be on the hook for big alimony or payouts at the dissolution of the marriage (divorce). Of course, this begs the question: is it a big deal to divorce? Do Romanians frown on divorce? (I ask because almost everyone in my family has been divorced–at least once. Me, I am a confirmed bachelor–I’ve seen what a toll divorce can take on all parties–especially the children.) This is why I believe in taking a “test drive” before actually signing the “contract” of marriage–that is before making it an official, lawful marriage.
    What would you estimate the total cost is for the couple actually getting married? Are there companies which will cater the wedding, provide videotape (or whatever video service) photographs, honeymoon services, etc.? (Where did you and the “Mrs.” honeymoon?)
    Will you be sharing your upcoming month in Budapest, Hungary with us?
    I know you were there last year, but a whole month would certainly provide some interesting material for your blog. (Maybe you will be an Ex-pat Romanian in Hungary?;-)
    Thanks again for sharing your personal wedding experience,
    ~Teil (you-know-where)

    • Thanks for the compliments, Teil. We’re even better looking now that I managed to lose a bit over 10 kilos since the wedding πŸ™‚

      The Starea Civila was held in my city, Drobeta Turnu Severing, while the church and party in Bucharest. In order to be officially married, you only need to do the Starea Civila, so you can do that and skip the church and/or party.

      Regarding the living together, it depends – some do, some don’t but I guess that most people do live together before getting married. Same-sex marriages are not allowed in the country and I never heard about pre-nup things happening here.

      I don’t really know much about the divorce process either, but I guess it’s as complicated or simple as the couple wants it to be.

      The costs of the wedding will vary greatly depending on the choices made by the couple and especially the number of guests. The biggest expense is normally the food & drinks part, so the more people you have, the more it costs. However, it rarely is an expense on the family because of the gift money, which basically covers the costs and usually even leaves the newlyweds with some extra money as well. All restaurants only require a down payment, with the rest of the money being paid after the wedding – because this is how things work here πŸ™‚ However, the numbers are not anywhere near the tens of thousands of dollars spent in the US.

      You can more or less automate the entire process, but it’s not as complicated as I saw it is in the US, so the number of people involved is very low. We did all the planning by ourselves. The honeymoon was in nearby Turkey, but we loved it.

      I will surely write about our experience in Budapest!

  3. Sure, it’s so lovely to experiance other people’s cultures on their wedding day. Here in Jordan takes lots of effort starting from date of scheduling that could fit close relatives who lives in other countries to be on time of wedding date. As a traditional respect the oldest brother / sister as well as uncles must be all present before days of weddind. usually men keeps partying for 3 night before weddind. Giving money/ Gold are the most appreciate gift that would pleased both. Other gifts can be home compliances as big TV, Refregirator, Stoves, or Travelling Tickets. Yes it’S so costly but enjoyable. At the end Love you all with a wonderful night on watching billy dancer. Regards Emad

  4. A bid over a decade ago my wife and I accompanied my daughter, her husband, and little boy to Brasov, Romania for the wedding of his younger brother. It was delightful, on the first Saturday in June, a busy time for weddings. The civil ceremony was brief and we gathered in the nearby park for a drink while the papers were prepared. Then we had a break and then on to the church, where again there were a series of weddings, so the ceremony was as brief as possible. Later that afternoon the party began, much as you describe. My son-in-law took a room at the adjacent hotel or motel so his son could sleep when he got tired. I also took a nap late in the festivities, being brought back for the finale. All in all it was a delightful experience for me and my wife. Look forward to at least a few visits back as I struggle to learn a bit of Romanian. The phonetics are my stumbling block, as I am fluent in Spanish,
    French, and Catalan and passable in Italian as well as studying Latin. Thanks for a delightful account. Many happy years.

  5. Great article and the wife and I enjoyed the pictures as well. I know I’m expected to give money at a Romanian wedding but now I know why. I just got back from Romania last night. I can’t wait to go back!

      • I hope you didn’t misunderstand I had a wonderful time and can’t wait to go back to Romania. I didn’t want to go home yet.

        • No, I understood, but I forgot a word: “Even”. I wanted to say that I hope you’ll feel even better next time you visit as I am sure there are more pleasant surprises Romania has to offer! πŸ™‚

        • Hi Calin,
          Wow, what a beautiful ceremony! I am just getting around to checking out everything on your site here, and came across this article. How nice of you to share the pictures and experiences of your own wedding, and it sure looked like a joyous occasion. I can’t help but notice what a good looking couple you two make also. I would need to brush up to feel comfortable attending a wedding in any country, even the U.S., as it’s been over twenty years since I last attended a wedding. I had to think about it for a few minutes to recollect…lol…. but thanks again for sharing the beautiful pictures and helpful info too…I like the part about lot’s of alcohol!..take care. JC

  6. Thanks, JC! I initially added the photos just to make reading easier for those interested in finding more about how weddings go, I didn’t think that they would steal the show. But to be honest, I am happy they did πŸ™‚ It was indeed really nice and I am happy to see that others see it like that as well.

  7. Thank you for the detailed information. What lovely pictures. Could I ask if it is considered rude for guests to wear white to a Romanian wedding as it is in the UK? Thanks

    • Lili, it is difficult to estimate as this is also based on the price of the menu. However, the brother of the groom would be expected to pay more than the regular guests, but less than what the godparents do.

  8. Hi mine name it’s Mihaela the reason I am writing I will have mine ceremony wedding in Romania of month july and mine husband he’s not Romania and I was searching online to show him how it’s a Romania wedding because he’s very nervous . I showed him the photo,s on you site and he loved it

  9. Hi I’m confused I wen to a restaurant they have Romanian waiters one of them ask me to marry him only seen him once he is very nice also ur wife looks beautiful in wedding dress congratulations to both of u .

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